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Status:
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20 December - Well
the journey east has begun. I am in Fort Langley now, visiting
with a friend and planning to share Christmas with friends and family
before heading to Ottawa January 8. The weather is very untypical
of Coastal BC with snow and sub freezing temperatures. All in all,
good practice for Ottawa.
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07 December - Finally
the course loading message is arrived, the travel orders received and
the paperwork begun for travel to Ottawa in the New Year. Work
with the United Way will wrap up 12 December with one day of work left
before burning off remaining leave prior to the course. It will be
a Christmas in Vancouver with friends and my children then a flight to
Ottawa a few days before the course is to begin. There is much to
do in terms of sorting, packing and shipping. It is not easy to
pack for 6 months stretched over 3 seasons! Especially when one
must factor in a full range of uniforms, business clothes, sports
clothes and of course, books and sports gear.
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23 November 2008 - No
word yet on a formal course loading message and the Base Orderly Room is
managing to systematically misplace my mileage claims for my United Way
travels. So far there is about a 6 week lag in my claims.
Without the course loading message for the Public Affairs Course
scheduled to start January 12 in Ottawa, furthermore, I cannot put in my
request for a leave of absence from UNBC. The plan is to
concentrate on the PA training and resume the thesis in the fall.
I cannot make any travel plans either, and I am reluctant to prepare for
the anticipated trip to Ottawa at all. The CF has pulled the
proverbial rug out from under my feet so many times that I find I am
unable to trust them at all. Given that I am to be there shortly
after the holidays and the Base Orderly Room will reduce to minimum
manning early in December (and they cannot stay current on simple travel
claims at this juncture) things do not bode well for efficient last
minute travel planning. The van will be sold by the time I leave -
traded actually - for my favourite kayak - the Seaward Ascente. I
will have to store the boats until I get back, but am terribly happy to
finally have the boat I have dreamed of owning since I first paddled it
in 2000. In the meantime the continued state of limbo is taking its toll
and it grows harder and harder to get moving on all the things I must
accomplish before I head east - if I head east. Sigh. When
will this madness end?
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09 November 2008 -
The grievance of January 2006 has been successfully resolved and as of
11 July 2008 I am a Public Affairs Officer. The efforts to speed
through a medical release have been derailed and I have managed to foil
even the most recent effort to keep me off the PA course in January.
After pulling me off French training in August to loan me out to work
for the Untied Way for 4 months I was told that the updated French
profile was required to do the PA course. Hah! I beat them
at that one - asked to have the exams booked as soon as possible and
managed the BBB profile on my own. I wonder what they will do
next?
- 26 June - I now
have three separate and even conflicted administrative activities, all
completely out of my control,
cluttering up my work life with two obstructing career resolution. Sadly they
spill over into my personal life. I must make a concerted effort
to shut all of it out so that I can do my work before this precious
window of Academic Leave is totally consumed and compromised with
administrative interference. All that is on the table in terms of
career obstacles could have been resolved informally years ago.
Instead concerted effort was made to hide a growing body of what I will
politely call administrative errors, omissions and oversights in the
hopes that I would simply quit, go away, fail, or give up. I
cannot do that. Things must be set right. I have done
nothing wrong beyond pointing out that wrong has been done to me.
There must be justice. I feel like the child who proclaimed as the
parade went by that the emperor was in fact naked. Except in my
case, the embarrassed crowd is reluctant to acknowledge the obvious.
Perhaps because it might require acknowledging their own correlating
state of ethical undress.
- 14 June 2008 -
Much appears to be headed towards some sort of resolution with regards
to my life within the CF. Whatever the outcome, it will be good to
be out of a professional and sometimes even life limbo that stretches
back almost 6 years. I have begun the reading for the thesis,
beginning, as per advice from Peter Stoett, with an exploration of
Critical Security Studies and Social Constructivism. Fascinating.
Definitely a good piece of advice, a redirect even! The reading is
giving new depth and dimension to the vision I had for the concept and
for the MA thesis. Needless to say I am profoundly relieved to
finally be on 30 days of academic leave so that I can decompress and
concentrate on the reading, the analysis and the related mental
meanderings. I am also moving to a far more convenient and upbeat
apartment in mid July. On the water, walking distance to work and
downtown with a place to store my kayak. It is ironic, but almost
predictable, however, that as soon as I decide to make a proactive
decision in my personal life the CF finally gets equally proactive about
my career disposition. Apparently the CDS has finally adjudicated
my grievance and a letter relating the same is on its way. I may
only get to enjoy the new, bright apartment on the waters edge for a few
months - but enjoy it I shall.
- 21 January 2008 -
The past year has been a veritable roller coaster ride as I struggled to
complete the MA course work while the CF, specifically the local
formation, did its best to make sure I was kept sufficiently off balance
to make that well nigh impossible. Fortunately they were
unsuccessful. Course work is complete, though I am still waiting
on Royal Roads for my grades on the one course I did there. The
thesis prospectus presentation went reasonably well, though the general
consensus from my faculty advisors seems to be that none of them feel
qualified to advise my work adequately. Oh well. I know what
I need and want to do, so I may as well get on with it. I must
make a few modifications to the prospectus and then organize my
readings. In the meantime I have begun a military course series
that is necessary for my professional development. It is a study
of Canada, Canadian political and military history, military justice,
military administration and military ethics. So far it is proving
to be interesting. It will also prove handy as an exercise in the
cultivation of good academic reading habits. Quite necessary for
the thesis I suspect.
- 16 April 2007 - I
am home recovering from a final reconstructive surgery and quite
enjoying the opportunity not only to physically rest but also to read
and think. (The brain apparently has no interest in a rest).
It's a relief to have the last of the cancer related issues behind me
too. I suspect this may be contributing to the sense of peace and
release that has begun to shape my days. My professional life with re
the Canadian Forces is still woefully up in the air and out of my hands
but I am so terribly excited about where the academic life is heading
that I am almost past caring. I will return to Gagetown in
September to do my Common Army Phase training, and will be well prepared
to succeed. The Logistics training can take place next winter.
It is rapidly losing all relevance, however, to the bigger picture
(beyond a need to prove to "them" that I can do it just fine). No
doubt it will also benefit the academic path somewhat to be a retired
Army Captain as opposed to a mere 2ndLieutenant. Sigh. For
now I have a primary stack of reading waist high to try to get through
before I go back to work.
- 25 February 2007
- I am to be relocated for work purposes once again and will be working
out of TEME, the transportation and mechanical maintenance unit for the
base. I have been told that I am unemployable at Base Logistics as
I have no logistics training as yet. Of course I have yet to be
offered a self study package to remedy this. Needless to say I
have researched what I can do on my own and have begun to build and read a logistics
self study package. At this point, however, I feel somewhat
resigned to a non-career in perpetual professional limbo, put to good
use in terms of pre-existing skills, but unrecognized for any
achievements within the CF to date and frozen in career progression and pay for 5
years (and likely to remain so until CRA in 2012.) Such is life.
I have no option, as I see it, except to stand fast. I cannot quit
and have difficulty giving up and accepting
failure, no matter how high the bar is set. I suspect I will just
keep throwing myself at whatever is laid before me until I run out of
steam and/or collapse. In the meantime I will cling to my own
sense of integrity and honour in a situation that appears to lack both. It is
tempting to give in to less than professional emotionalism, but I am not
yet that far gone in stress and depression. From this point on I
think I shall confine my sentiments to a journal and, periodically, this
web page.
- 28 January 2007 -
Gagetown New Brunswick - Cold, sunny and the grungiest barracks I have
stayed in yet. Good roommates, though and I hear the food is good.
Sigh. 51 days to go - but who's counting?
- 05 January 2007 -
The first semester at UNBC has been successfully completed. Now,
however, I have been approved for my requested leave of absence from my
studies to return to army training with the Canadian Forces. Dates
are also confirmed. I head to CFB Gagetown on the 26th of January
to begin 3 months of Common Army Phase training. Hopefully, as
mentioned in December's note, there will be periodic opportunities to
sneak in a little course reading on Afghanistan. The focus,
however, will be on learning to participate in or lead a platoon? in
combat. It will likely prove to be interesting, demanding,
challenging and informative. My children think I'm crazy, but I
think that's merely a reflection of the conservatism of youth.
They'll grow out of it eventually. I began working out at the gym
at UNBC with this training in mind last September, but have stepped up
the pace somewhat as the departure date draws near. I feel like a
kind of geriatric Canadian GI Jane! I hope this means that, in
typical Canadian fashion, I will get to flex brain brawn at least as
much as my tired old muscles. The best victory, after all, is the
one that is concluded without recourse to conflict.
- 25 December 2006
- I will be requesting a leave of absence from UNBC to return to my army
training. I expect to head off to CFB Gagetown for Common Army Phase
training at the end of January. Research and reading will continue
as time permits, however, with a new directed studies research project
focused on the political culture of Afghanistan. I figure I will
likely be there in 12 to 18 months so I may as well put the opportunity
to good use. In the meantime, I hope everyone enjoyed a happy and
festive Mid Winter celebration.
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SAFE
HOME: Back in Victoria
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25 October - Off to the CDAI
Graduate Students Symposium at RMC. I present on Saturday
afternoon. Folks should be mighty weary of presentations by then.
In reference to the bullet below - It's not just about what we are
trying to say - it's about why.
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02 October 2006 - Afterthought -
this exclusive language represents an interesting aspect of strategic
culture. Not only are you faced with typical challenges of
multiple traditional languages - there is the additional obstacle of
profession specific language - say politicians, corporate strategists,
the military. What are we all REALLY trying to say?
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26 September 2006 - I believe
that this is week 4. The pace has begun to pick up and I begin to
realize that I have a great deal of background reading to do if I am to
achieve currency, and therefore credibility, in the "language" of
political theory. Like any social or professional grouping or
order, there is an exclusive language, and an associated list of "who's
who" (both historically and currently) - if you cannot easily toss these
words, phrases, expressions (I call them 'isms') and, of course "names"
about in your discussions or idle conversations, you are not recognized
as a member of the inner sanctum. Sadly this sometimes seems to
preclude any need to be articulating particularly good or novel ideas.
Yes I am frustrated, but I will overcome and prevail! -
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The first week of classes has
concluded and I believe I will survive. I may even do well enough to
succeed at this phase of my studies. Technical problems prevail,
however, with regards to my primary computer and my regular phone service.
This is shaping up to be a costly endeavour. It is up to me to make
it well worth the expense!
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Today is my birthday!
Seemed appropriate to pay my student fees and tuition and find out where
my classes will be. UNBC is a small but pleasant campus overlooking
the valley of Prince George. I was going to bike to and from school,
but after driving the hill to the campus, that idea has evaporated
completely! Looking forward to the start of classes tomorrow.
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03 September 2006 - I am finally
in Prince George - exhausted but relieved and excited. Today I will
finish unpacking and sorting out my little space and tomorrow - My
birthday!
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08 August - I finally
have my leave papers, signed and in hand. 23 days and counting.
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02 August -
Apparently the Admiral has signed off on permission to study! I have
found an apartment to which I can relocate my belongings here in Victoria
and I have a place to stay in Prince George. Yes! The Universe
is a wonderful place to be!
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28 July - request for leave to
study has cleared all but the last and most senior command level!
Crossing fingers while I start to pack?
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24 July 2006 - my request for
leave to study has been actioned up the chain to senior command and I may
have found a place to live in Prince George - with a fireplace yet!
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19 July 2006 - I couldn't stand
waiting until I hear about my leave - ordered my course books today.
Very excited.
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14 July 2006Application for
Academic Leave finally actioned by chain of command - now I wait for an
answer.
- June 2006 - approved for low interest financial assistance through
SISIP, the Canadian Forces self improvement funding agency
- May 2006 - Applied for educational leave through my chain of command
in the Canadian Forces - no reply as of July 12, 2006
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April 2006 - Approved for 100% funding of tuition and books by the
Canadian Defence Academy
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April 2006 - Accepted
as a graduate student at the University of Northern British Columbia
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Key Anticipated Milestones
- 05 September 2006 - commence a semester on campus in Prince George
- December 2006 - complete a thesis prospectus
- December 2006 - complete the first semester
- January 2007 or May 2007 commence studies on the final two courses for
my masters
- January 2008- submit draft of preliminary thesis to my faculty
advisor, Dr. Don Munton.
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